Tried committing suicide, Pune’s Raj Dagwar is on a mission to make India #DepressionMukt through Listeners Army

One day, Pune based Raj Dagwar, 25,  was standing on his balcony to commit suicide. Three years down the line, he has a team of people called Listeners Army which helps others deal with mental heath issues such as sadness, depression, suicidal thoughts, overthinking, negative thoughts and many more. Thousands of people have been helped so far. 

Raj is a software engineer and his parents reside in Dubai. He enrolled in Pune Institute of Computer Technology for Bachelor of Engineering- Computer Engineering in 2016. He was living in a hostel. During that time, he was in a romantic relationship with a girl whom he loved very much and had a dream to make her his life partner. But, the relationship turned into a toxic affair.

“I loved her very much. Wanted to marry her. But gradually, the relationship became toxic. I was blamed for every wrong thing happening in the relationship. Which over a period of time made me feel that I am responsible for every wrong thing happening. I began to feel I am not good enough and my self esteem was going down. I began over thinking. Negativity took over me,” shares Raj.

Self blame, over thinking and negativity led to a dangerous state of mind for Raj. He became depressed and often thought of committing suicide. “I became suicidal. I would not eat for days. I would skip college lectures. I would not meet friends. I would be confined to my hostel room. It was so severe,” tells Raj. 

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His college attendance was just 10%. The college would inform his parents about his academic performance and his parents would call him to discuss the issue. “I would get angry with my parents when they would discuss my education and academic performance. I would disconnect the call and ignore their calls and messages,” tells Raj. He suffered mentally for about eight months in 2018. 

One day when he visited college, a professor noticed something wrong with Raj. The professor suggested that he should see a psychologist employed in the college. “Since I wanted someone to share what I am going through. I did not share with friends and family fearing getting judged and laughed at. I spoke to the psychologist for about 2:30 hours straight sharing what I went through and what I have been feeling. It was so relieving. I am glad that she was patient enough to listen to me. She was not in hurry,” tells Raj. 

The psychologist helped Raj get over his depression, negative thoughts and overthinking. “She would help me with tips and tricks one by one to deal with my mental health. She helped me to control my emotions, overthinking and negative thoughts. Over a period of time I became a happier and better person,” tells Raj. He discontinued taking therapies in 2019 thinking his mental health got better. 

But, during the coronavirus pandemic, Raj again started feeling the same. Rather it was worse. “I was in Dubai when the pandemic hit. We all were confined to our houses. I was again depressed. Earlier I was having suicidal thoughts, but this time I was actually suicidal. I had no one to talk to. I could not even talk to any psychologist over the phone fearing if someone would hear me,” tells Raj. 

It became so worse that he one day was standing on the balcony of his room to commit suicide. “I was standing there for about half an hour. I was fighting with my thoughts. Nobody would care even if I die. Nobody cares about me and what I am going through. These were thoughts in my head. After a point, a thought popped up in my head about my parents. This though made me refrain from committing suicide. Since then I never tried to commit suicide,” tells Raj. 

When the pandemic led lockdown got released, Raj came back to Pune and began taking therapies. Over a period of time his mental health got better. 

One day in December 2020, he stumbled upon an Instagram post where a man was standing with a placard written ‘share your story and I will give you $1’. This was the beginning of something new and big for Raj. 

“I saw that and felt an urge to do something like that in India. I also made a placard  which says ‘share your story and I will give you Rs. 10”. I went out and stood on the FC Road with the placard,” tells Raj. 

He started this because he believes that the psychologist in his college listened to him patiently which led him to feel better. He wanted to be a good listener for others going through mental turmoil. 

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It was not easy for Raj. He was scared and nervous. But then after sometime that day, a girl approached her and shared her story as to what she was going through in life. She turned out to be a psychologist. “She gave me a huge courage to continue what I was trying to do,” says Raj. 

He would do this on weekends, holidays and in the evening as he is also working in a company as a software engineer. He began receiving calls and messages from those who want to share their mental health issues. In 2021, he created a team called Listeners Army where like minded individuals began joining the team one after another. The team also has an Instagram page called Listeners Army where anybody can message if they want to share mental turmoil. One of the team members either connects with a call or message to listen. 

“Through conversations with people who approach us we try to understand whether the person is sad, depressed, or suicidal. Once we understand that, we suggest better options like therapies and all if needed,” tells Raj. There are around 600 volunteers in the Listeners Army team. Thousands of people have been served so far.  Through the team, Raj aims to make India #DepressionMukt. 

Sharing the impact of his noble work, Raj narrated a story saying one day he received a call from a girl who was standing on her balcony to commit suicide. “I was scared. Did not know what to do. Eventually, I managed to calm her down. I urged her to share what she was going through. After listening to her, I realized that she needed a psychologist so I suggested one,” tells Raj. 

After eight months, I received a call from her thanking me. She was doing better in her life and her mental health was way better. “That was the moment I felt that I have achieved something. I come across suicidal cases almost every week. The urge of helping them keep me going,” says Raj. 

One out of three individuals in India suffers from depression, according to a World Health Organisation (WHO) report. Which makes India rank top when it comes to having depressed individuals compared to other countries. Depression is top most factor for suicides in India.  

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Nowadays people are more welcoming of discussions around mental health. Raj says going to a psychologist is not a bad thing. They help you get better at your mental health as doctors help you take care of your physical health. “Moreover, we should be open to our parents and family members. Not sharing what we are going through to our loved ones is also one of the factors many commit suicide. We have to stop judging those who want to share their mental turmoil,” suggests Raj. 

As seen in the case of Raj. His family came to know about his mental health struggle when he was featured by the media for his noble work. “I observed that my parents become supportive and helpful when they come to know me. My mother often says that she feels bad that she was not with me when I was going through mentally. This make me realize that if I would have shared with my parents earlier, the journey of my struggle would have been easier for me,” tells Raj. He has received Youth Inspiration Award from project Visioncy for his impactful work.